America Is Bad For You
by Tafkae
Summary: I have nothing against Kids WB EXCEPT THEY BUTCHER ALL THE COMMERCIALS! So what happens when the cast finds out about this injustice? And who the heck is behind it?


America Is Bad For You 

by TAFKAE

_Enjoy and review please. Or at least review. You don't have to enjoy. But it was fun to write._

~*~*~

It was just another Saturday morning. Everybody was hanging out at Anzu's place, because it was a well-known fact she was the only one with cable besides Yugi, and they'd gone to Yugi's house last week. Right now Dragonball was on, but Anzu, being the only one who didn't care for it, was at her computer in the next room.

"Tao Pai Pai again," Jou moaned. "They just won't get out of the Tao Pai Pai episodes." He jumped up and started shaking the TV furiously. "YOU HEAR ME, YOU DAMNED NETWORK?! WE'VE ALREADY SEEN ALL THAT CRAP!!"

Yugi cringed. "Watch it, Jou, you don't want Anzu's mom to kick you out again…"

Jou sat down and sulked.

Suddenly, the boys were all quite nearly given heart attacks by the sound of hysterical laughter from the computer room. "JESUS H. CHRIST!" screamed Honda. "What was that?!"

Yugi had jumped up and poked his head into the room. "Anzu, are you okay?"

"Damn!" Anzu shouted over her laughing. "I was just about to call you guys in here. You have got to see this!!"

All four boys had already entered by now, so she continued. "I was surfing the Internet, and I found some stuff from the Kids WB dub of our show. It is SO FUNNY!"

"What is it, then?" asked Honda.

"All right, all right. Here." Anzu clicked on the link again, and the little AVI of doom rolled forth…

Yami: *standing on a dueling platform (with a sign on it that reads "no food or drink"), thinks* If I can draw the right card, I can win this match! *goes to draw a card, but knocks over a drink cup, which spills all over everything* Oh no!

Platform: *shorts out and explodes in Yami's face*

(a few seconds later Yami is standing there with his face covered in soot)

Yami: All right, who left their Orange Happy Juice up there?!

Joey: *looks from side to side nervously, then back at him* Eh… whoops.

For a moment, there was silence. Then Honda spoke up. "'Orange Happy Juice'?"

"Well, at least they didn't have to worry about copyright infringement," Ryou pointed out.

"Yeah, 'cause no place in their right mind would name a drink 'Orange Happy Juice.'" Jou paused for a moment. "Unless, of course, it was a tequila cocktail…"

Yugi was completely speechless. "It's… it's… it's a complete mockery of the image we've been trying to uphold since, what, episode 22?"

"24 in the Japanese version," Jou corrected.

"24, then. It's still mocking us!"

"Out of curiosity," asked Anzu, "who's 'us'? You and Jou are the only ones in that commercial."

Yugi blinked. "Whoops." He put one hand behind his head and grinned. "I guess I've still gotta figure out what pronoun to use when referring to myself…"

"You are a very confusing little boy, Yugi," Anzu sighed.

"I'm not little."

"No offense, buddy," said Honda, "but if you were any smaller we'd have to worry about stepping on you. I'd say that's little."

"Let's just watch the next one, okay?" Ryou piped up.

"Gotcha." Anzu clicked on the next link. "I haven't seen this one yet, though, so…"

"Shut up and watch it," said Jou.

                Yami: It's your turn, Kaiba!

                Kaiba: Your move, Yugi.

                Yami: No, you go.

                Kaiba: No, YOU go.

                Yami: You go!

                Kaiba: You go!

                Yami: You go!

                Kaiba: You go!

                Téa: Why aren't they going?

                Bakura: They can't figure out who should make the first move.

                Téa: Haven't they flipped a coin?

                Bakura: No.

                Téa: Why not?

                Bakura: They couldn't decide who should flip it!

                Yami: You go!

                Kaiba: You go!

                Yami: You go!

                Kaiba: You go!

There was another awkward silence. Then all of a sudden three of the five people in the room broke into laughter. Ryou was just scowling. Yugi was in shock again. Or, it is possible, he had not yet fully recovered from the last commercial, and this one wasn't helping anything.

"Sweet Mother of God, that was great," Jou wheezed, wiping a tear from his eye.

"That is so true!" Honda sighed. "Those two just can't agree on anything."

"I feel so … stupid …" Yugi breathed so quietly that the others could barely hear him.

"They could have at least _tried to get my voice right," Ryou grumbled. "Come on, a British accent can NOT be all that hard to come by!"_

"Hang on, there's more of them here," said Anzu with a grin as she clicked on the link.

Announcer: *as a lion monster the authoress can't remember the name of appears* Lions… *Silver Fang appears* and Tigers and… *Lava Battleguard appears* purple hairy beasts?

Téa: Oh my!

No laughter made an appearance for this one. "Okay, that was just disturbing," Anzu said at last.

"The Lava Battleguard is _red," Honda muttered._

There was a small _thud from the floor behind them. They turned around to see Yugi sprawled out there, out cold. "Poor guy," Jou sighed, bending down and scooping the smaller boy up in his arms. "Guess he just couldn't take the agony…"_

"Silver Fang isn't a tiger, either," continued Honda, turning back to the AVI. "It's a wolf."

"He's so cute when he's asleep," said Anzu with a small smile. "Oh well. Brace yourselves for the next one, guys."

Click!

                _Take 1._

                Yami: I summon the Dark Magician!

                (something besides the DM shows up – I don't remember what it was)

                Director's voice: CUT! That's not the Dark Magician…

                _Take 2._

                Yami: I summon the Dark Magician!

                (again, I don't remember what shows up, but it's not the DM)

                Director's voice: CUT! That's not the Dark Magician either.

                Yami: *dangerously* Joey…

                Joey: What? Every time a card goes missing, I get blamed. Come on, show some courtesy!

                _Take 3._

                Yami: I summon the Dark Magician!

                (I think what shows up is the Lava Battleguard this time)

                Director's voice: CUT! That's not the Dark Magician either!

                Yami: *angrily* Joey!

                Joey: *snickers*

Yugi had woken up someplace around Take 2, and Jou noticed when he went completely limp in his arms again. "Yeah, it's definitely the commercials." He walked out into the den and laid Yugi on the sofa. "Try not to make your nightmares _too scary, little man…"_

Yugi whimpered, but was still.

All was well with the world. Until Anzu clicked on the link to the next commercial.

                Yami: I summon the card of Double Duels!

She closed the window instantly. _"NO!!! Scary badly done wrong person type dub voice!!!"_

"You're scaring me, Anzu," Honda muttered.

"I think that's enough trauma for one day," she added, trembling. "I'm gonna block this site forever! Man, if Pegasus wanted to kill Yugi at the Duelist Kingdom, he could've done _this_ and not wasted all that time on the tournament."

"Yeah, who runs that site, anyway?" Jou wondered aloud.

~*~*~

And in a basement somewhere in Japan, Pegasus moaned. "Damn it, I was _right!_ I _wouldn't_ have had to waste all that time on the tournament! *sniff* I only wish I'd thought of it earlier…"

*DISTURBING TYPE STORY END*

Leave thine reviews pleases! Me likey reviews!


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